In some important ways, all communication is the same.
We are always speaking in order to fulfill a need. The need might be small and transactional: “Please pass the salt.” It might be life-changing: “Will you marry me?” And of course, most of what we say in our lives falls somewhere in the middle of the spectrum.
We have a need, and we choose words, vocal tone, body language, and many other tools to convey the need to a listener. Most of the time, we don’t think too much about it.
But let’s be honest. For many of us, speaking in front of a big group feels pretty different from ordering a coffee. One of the reasons is that our need becomes harder to clearly identify.
Example: Sunita’s boss told her she’s going to present at the quarterly board meeting for their department. When Sunita stands up to present, what need is she fulfilling?
It could be:
I need to make my boss happy
I need to give them all the information so they don’t ask me any questions
I need to show them I’m doing a good job
I need to get this over with
These are all expressions of default intention. Most likely, Sunita would not put any of these thoughts into words. Nevertheless, they would completely infiltrate and influence her presentation to the board, and not for the best.
If we were coaching Sunita, we would ask: what is your intention? What do you want the board to feel, think, or do as a result of your presentation? How can you achieve that result?
Maybe Sunita’s deliberate intention is to get the board’s support for our new initiative. She wants them to feel enthusiastic about her department’s work so that they sign off on the new plan. Being clear about that need now shifts and affects every aspect of her presentation.
Knowing our own need is critical for clear and effective communication. In fact, without knowing it, we sabotage our own success.
