Very often, we are not great at saying what we want or need. Instead, we talk around it, sugarcoating and hiding what we’re after.
Example: I was talking with my husband the other day about my work week. I had three workshops to lead virtually, from my home office. I knew it would be easier to concentrate if our two delightful dogs were not running around the backyard, barking at the neighbors.
What I could have said: I need the dogs to be quiet during my workshops. Can we take them to daycare, or can you be with them?
What I actually said: I have a lot going on this week. I wonder what we can do about the dogs?
Without getting into all the possible reasons why I wasn’t direct about what I needed, let’s look at the result. My husband was perplexed. There are only a few options (them going to daycare, or him hanging out with them). So why was I bringing this up as if there were a big conversation to be had?
His response was to make some suggestions, none of which were what I wanted. So now I was in the position of having to state that I didn’t want to do any of those things, which revealed that I’d had an ideal solution all along. Which annoyed my husband.
Now he said: All you had to say was, hey, I can’t deal with the dogs or be distracted by them while I’m leading these workshops, can you manage them?
Clear. Concise. Not confusing.
When you need to ask someone for something, know first what you’re actually asking.
