What it means to speak more slowly.

You’ve been told to slow down.   Many people are given the feedback that they speak too quickly. To do this, actually slow your rate of speech. Imagine yourself walking at a natural pace for you, when you have a destination but you’re not in a hurry. There’s a speed that feels right for you; ... Continue Reading

No tips and tricks.

There are a lot of resources out there that will break down body language piece by piece and tell you what it “means.” I’m wary of this, for several reasons.   The first is that almost nothing can send a message all by itself; these elements work in concert with each other. Body and voice ... Continue Reading

Spelling.

When I was in high school I had a great history teacher who taught us a lot of lessons, big and small.   One was this:   When you are spelling something out loud, pause at the end of a syllable. Don’t spell ‘intermittent’ INTE-RMITT-ENT. Spell it INTER-MIT-TENT. Our minds understand certain combinations of letters ... Continue Reading

The soft, vulnerable underbelly

I’m at home in my head. I’m a reader, and I’ve always felt comfortable in a learning environment; I love a syllabus, a stack of new books, and shiny new school supplies. That’s a place—literally and psychologically—where I am in my element.   Other people feel at home in their bodies. They dance, or run, ... Continue Reading

Words and deeds.

I was speaking with a good friend of mine recently, a man who has thought a lot about faith and action. He spoke about how, in this culture, we place a lot of emphasis on “the word.” We celebrate speakers and are inspired by words and talk, but, in his view, the real transformation happens ... Continue Reading

Listening so hard you can’t hear

Have you ever been in a boring meeting and realized, “Oh, I have no idea what that person is talking about. I better really listen!” And then you start listening, but then you realize you’re thinking about listening and still haven’t heard anything? Yeah.   Instead, clear your mind. Remember why you’re in this meeting. ... Continue Reading

There’s a person on the other side of that message

We are in a strange time in the history of human communication. We are bombarded by texts and emails and messages from social media apps. There are so many that we have to triage those messages. I don’t know anyone who hasn’t lost track of an email and then had to send one of those ... Continue Reading

Unhelpful feedback

When we ask the nearest person for their feedback, there is no guarantee that they are knowledgeable about the things we want to know about.   Usually, they will still agree to weigh in.   This is how bad advice gets traction in the world.   Here were a couple of things I heard recently ... Continue Reading

The emotional labor of being present

In a workshop I did last week, a woman said, “I am often in back to back 30 minute meetings for seven or eight hours. How can I stay present for all of them? It’s exhausting!”   Yes. It is. Seth Godin writes about this concept–emotional labor is what many of us do now. We’re ... Continue Reading

Who do I expect to see?

When we see people we’ve known a long time, are we looking to see how they have changed, or how they are the person we have always known? Do we fall easily into “oh, isn’t that exactly something Justin would do!,” shoving our old friend right back to the self he was five or ten ... Continue Reading