Our coaching approach boils down to these three steps: intention, alignment, and practice. The answer to almost any question you ask me or another Ignite coach about communicating is going to fall into one of these three buckets. Intention. Alignment. Practice.
This week’s blog posts are a review of these fundamental building blocks. Today, the spotlight is on intention.
Intention is the word we use to describe the focus that is driving your communication at any given moment. Your intention could be:
to shut her down
to get this over with
to express my love
to reassure him
to inspire confidence
to demonstrate to the driver in the other lane that I think they must be an idiot
Intention is the thing we want to happen as a result of what we communicate; it’s the outcome we are seeking.
Default intention is the way most of us operate, most of the time. We’re reactive; we respond before we’ve really thought about the impact of our response. In the list above, the first, second, and final examples are all typical default intentions.
Deliberate or productive intention is the alternative to default intention. There is a quote by Viktor Frankl that perfectly sums up the opportunity that deliberate intention provides us:
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
I often describe that space as a crossroads. The stimulus comes in and we are instantly faced with choices: the default intention, or a new, deliberate one.
When we look at the default intentions again, we can work to create other options. I’m making a few suggestions below, but there are myriad choices.
to shut her down becomes to hear her out
to get this over with becomes to engage fully
to demonstrate to the driver in the other lane that I think they must be an idiot becomes to find compassion for a stranger
Do I still get mad at other drivers?
I do, I confess. Default intention isn’t a habit I expect ever to fully quell. But engaging in the practice of finding a deliberate intention is one of the most powerful and effective tools I know of to be a more effective communicator, a more engaged friend, and a happier and more fulfilled person.
