I disagree.

These two words can be hard for a lot of us to say.

Depending on the context and the topic, we’d rather do almost anything than say to someone, “I disagree with you.” We might think it, or post it on Twitter to a stranger, but engaging with another person we think is wrong can be tough.

Why is this? What is at stake when we disagree? Why are some people seemingly able to disagree without getting emotionally invested, while others get riled up at the drop of an “actually”?

This is something I’m exploring right now, and in the process of that exploration I’m having to do some soul-searching. When someone disagrees with me, it can make me feel like their stance is a comment on who I am. Is that true? Does this feeling vary according to who says it, or what the topic is? Why does it matter if one person likes to back into a parking space and another pulls in frontways, or if someone else likes Taylor Swift versus Billie Eilish?

And of course, these examples are just little daily disagreements. The perceived differences can really blow up when two people disagree about bigger things—religion, politics, or college basketball (just kidding.) (Kind of.)

How do you disagree with someone else? Do you wade into it, guns blazing? Do you plan ahead, practicing what you’ll say? Do you avoid disagreement, preferring to swallow your own opinions? When have you seen disagreement done well?