Sometimes clients are referred to us for communication coaching, and we can’t…quite tell why. They’re smart and clear, and they don’t struggle to convey their meaning, at least when they’re talking to us.
When we dig a little bit, an interesting situation reveals itself. The people who referred the client to us don’t like what the client is saying.
It’s not that they’re saying it badly, or wrong. There’s just some element of the message that isn’t welcome to the rest of the organization.
I’ll give you an example. A few years ago the Chief Financial Officer of a marketing company was referred to us. Her colleagues who met with me before we began coaching said that she was hard to understand because of an accent and because she wasn’t clear in her messaging.
We started working together, and I had no trouble understanding either her accent or her ideas. Additionally, it turned out that she, as the CFO, was the person in the company who had to tell everyone else “no.” The creative types in the marketing company loved to dream big and make expensive plans, and my client had to be the one to burst their bubble, time and time again.
The problem wasn’t that she wasn’t clear, it was that they didn’t like what she was telling them. Once we figured this out, we were able to come up with ways she could deliver the bad news so that they could hear it, and everyone could feel like they were on the same team.
The client was willing to work on this, which was a credit to her flexibility and professionalism. But the truth is that in order to really address this issue, the other members of her team needed to make adjustments, as well. Their inability or unwillingness to listen to her insights was a big contributor to the misunderstandings, but she was the only one sent to get communication coaching.
I suspect most of us have been on both sides of this situation, but of course it’s harder when you’re the one who can’t seem to get heard. If you lead a team and one person seems to have trouble making themselves understood, look at what’s happening with the people who aren’t getting it. What assumption or agenda might they share? What is the quality of the listening that’s taking place?
The communication breakdown isn’t happening in just one place; there is shared responsibility. Don’t let anyone off the hook.
