A recent topic with several of my clients is: “This is all great stuff about deliberate intention, but what happens when I do all this work to show up positively and the person I’m talking to is their regular old default intention self?”
Obviously, you can only work on yourself. And when you prepare and you’re all set to do things differently, to disrupt an existing dynamic that isn’t working, and the other person doubles down, it can be really disheartening.
But I’d say two things about that. One is that habitual conversational dynamics take some time to change, even when both people are working on them. If it’s just you, it will take much longer.
Two, it’s worth continuing to show up with a deliberate and productive intention even if you’re the only one. When we mirror default intention with default intention, we get stuck in a rut. My need to prove I’m right runs into your want to control the meeting, and we never get anything done. But if you can continue to bring your deliberate intention, at least you know you stayed focused on a generative outcome.
In the long run, your consistency will make some inroads.
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