I was having a coaching session with a new client last week, and he related that about 50% of the time when he has to give a work presentation, he dreads it. It always goes fine, but from the moment he finds out about it, he wishes it were over.
I asked, “What do you say to yourself about dreading the presentation?”
He responded, “I don’t know why I feel that way—it’s stupid, I shouldn’t. It always goes fine. I always I tell myself I shouldn’t feel that way, there’s no reason to.”
I said, “Well, one of the first things I recommend is to stop making yourself feel bad. If you notice you’re not looking forward to a presentation, acknowledge it. Sit with it. Then you can shift the feeling.”
We had three or four versions of this exchange over the next hour. He was so used to giving himself a hard time for not being enthusiastic about every presentation that he couldn’t get his mind around a different approach.
Finally I said, “Look. What you’re describing is totally normal. If you’d like to experience this differently, you may need to try actively responding in a different way, even if it feels inauthentic at first. The next time you feel that sinking feeling, sit with it. Name it. Instead of putting off thinking about the presentation, go ahead and practice. Choose a deliberate intention that works for you, maybe ‘to connect’ or ‘to engage.’”
I went on to say that this may not be a magic wand, but that I knew at least that he would have a different experience. He could collect more evidence of what might work, rather than bemoaning what doesn’t.
In short, though, here’s the big takeaway: If you’re nervous, or sad, or depressed, it probably won’t help you feel better to berate yourself about it.
