Being in front of people can be scary. It makes us feel vulnerable and exposed. And what “being in front of people” means varies from one person to the next.
For some folks, the sentence “Let’s just go around the room and quickly introduce ourselves” is the scariest form of being in front of people. For others, leading a meeting of peers is at the top of the “no thank you” list. For still others, making small talk is way scarier than giving a speech in front of hundreds of people.
What all the variables have in common is that they make people have the instinct to hide, to protect themselves. That default intention,“to hide,” is then driving the communication train. Everything our bodies and voices do is in response to the outcome our mind wants to achieve, so the fear fires up an operating system finely calibrated to reach that result.
What does that look and sound like? A person who is driven by the default intention “to hide” might:
Speak softly and quickly
Cut their eyes away from the person or people they are speaking to
Drop their head or chin
Limit their vocal inflection to a very narrow range, resulting in a monotone
Dampen their energy
Have few or no gestures or other movement
Notice that their breathing has quickened, undercutting their vocal tools and amplifying anxiety
You can address each of these symptoms separately, or you can address the underlying issue: the default intention. Shifting this intention from the subconscious “I have to protect myself from the people I’m talking to” to a deliberate and productive intention is the biggest lever we can pull to shift the ineffective communication behavior.
Once you understand the particular circumstances that might make you fall into the intention “to hide,” experiment with something new. Maybe your intention is “to connect,” or “to listen.” Maybe it’s “to make the person I’m talking to feel special,” or “to make everyone in this meeting feel heard.”
The best way to dispel our fear is to put our focus on the people we’re connecting with; then, like magic, we lose the urge to hide.
